Cait's Visit

Cait, my 18 year old daughter, visited today. It is the first time we've seen each other in five months. Before that, Cait spent nearly a year in the hospital, after going off the deep end. Cait came to live with us when she was 5 years old. Formerly my great-niece, she was taken from her parents when she was almost four due to allegations of abuse, and put in foster care. My sister has yet to forgive me for stepping forward to help out. Marigene was so hostile to the case workers, there was no way they would let her have Cait and at the time, she thought we were a good option. I thought so too! I love my sis and would have done anything for her. She was broken-hearted over the situation and it hurt me to see her that way. What else could we do but try to help? You need my right arm, Sis, here it is! A kidney? You've got it! Want me to turn my life and the lives of my husband and children upside down so your granddaughter isn't lost to the family forever? I am SO here for you, Sis! And why? Because I love you!

You know how they say, no good deed ever goes unpunished? Well, this situation is the proof that's a true statement. When Cait came to live with us, we were at a point in our lives, when things were pretty good. Tom had just retired from Air Force after 20 years. We'd come home to finally buy a house and put down some roots. I wanted to be near family (foolish me) and particularly missed my big Sis. Jim, Liz and Jeff were growing up and doing well--and as for me, I finally was having some Yvonne time. Life was good. Life was pretty smooth. The turmoil of bringing a troubled little girl we didn't even know, into our home, was difficult to say the least, but for my Sis--I was willing to do it. I don't understand how it happened, but somewhere along the line, Marigene decided I was the enemy and out to steal her granddaughter away. As if! I was voting for Kris to get her life together and raise her daughter, while we "adopted" Kris into the family. Kris needed family. I thought we would be a good fit. Marigene decided I "brainwashed" Cait into saying the things she was saying about past events (never mind Cait was saying those things before we even came into the picture! There is NO logic in any of this) It put a giant chasm between us that I have, even after all this time, been unable to bridge. I have tried. I gained a daughter and lost my one and only sister! Not fair. Not to say I don't love Cait. I do, very much. Somewhere along the line, it turned from "I'm doing this for love of my sister," to "I'm doing this for love of Cait." For all her quirks and problems, there have been good times--many of them. Cait has a loving and sweet spirit.

All right, fast forward twelve years, spent trying to help Cait. It hasn't always been easy, that's for sure. Cait has been diagnosed as A.D.H.D., bi-polar, high functioning autistic, suffering from post-traumatic shock syndrome, attachment disorder and more. I think just about any label for something unpleasant has been stuck on her. Poor Cait! I suppose that's why she sneakily turned to smoking pot, trying to ease her pain and quiet the anxiety she was feeling. It totally put her over the edge, made her suicidal and there she went, screaming and tied down in an ambulance, off to the hospital. Oddly enough, Cait only went balistic and uncontrollable at school. At home, she was good company and nice to have around. We were lucky with that. She told me once, "I know I'd be dead by now if it weren't for you." That gratitude spared us a lot of trauma at home, at least. I rarely saw the Psycho Cait. Only a peek now and then, when I'd have to go to school to bring her home. And that happened often. When she was in grade school, I was on a first name basis with the principal and secretary at her schools.

But enough of that. Today Cait is back with her birth mother, who also has struggled with her bi-polar condition. If anyone can help Cait, I thought it would be Kris who has been through this sort of thing herself. Cait is totally off medication, doing well, has lost about 30 lbs she gained in the hospital (hospital food is BAD!) and her ol' sweet self has returned. She's back in school, getting good grades, and looking forward to college. I have hope for her having a future now. Today we sorted through her boxes and boxes of stuff, packing up more for her to take back with her than I imagine she has room for in the small apartment where Kris, Bill, and two other kids are living (plus 16 pets!)

Two of Cait's adult friends from church, stopped by. It was a sweet visit and I even got to cuddle Angie's cute little boy.

On the way back to Cait's place, we stopped off at my mother's house. Marigene lives next door. I asked Cait if she wanted to go visit and gave her my camera to take photos. They had a pleasant visit, mostly because Cait didn't mention my name--according to my mother, that apparently still makes Marigene froth at the mouth. I really don't understand it. I would have thought that the evidence of Cait's breakdown, and subsequent diagnosis would have helped my Sis to realize the things Cait had said that got her put in foster care in the first place, came from Cait. No outside force, no brainwashing, just Cait and Cait alone. I didn't make her brain the way it is. We did the best we could to help her. Too bad we didn't have Marigene on Cait's side, helping. Not that I think that would have made a difference, except that it would have made me feel better with her support.

Here is Marigene: Marigene loves Barbies. I am a Hitty-fan. We both like to play with dolls. Just another thing we have in common that we can't share.

Marigene doesn't realize what a good sister she has, and I do not think she isn't ever going to figure it out, since she refuses to talk to me. Since no one will talk to her on my behalf, I can't see things getting better. I guess it is easier for them to try to ignore it. I have to admit, I am frustrated and disappointed in some of my extended family members. No one ever stands up for me.

Okay, that's the end of my rant. Here's the photo I took that Cait liked best! (this is what happens when I forget I had it on telephoto!) LOL